THE FRENCH CORRECTION

FRENCH PRESIDENT WANTS TO BAN HEADSCARVES 

My first reaction was, “What the heck? Instead of trying to take other women’s clothes off, Nikolas Sarkozy should instead focus on trying to get his wife to wear some! Besides, that job has already been taken by Silvio Berlusconi and he’s really good at it!

Let me get this straight. I’m not a big fan of headscarves myself, be it the Islamic hijab or the nun’s habit. That’s just my opinion and if the religious police have a problem with that, they can go pray me away. It’s not a question of whether it’s right or wrong, the question is, “So what if a chick wants to wrap a cloth around her head?” Is it the end of the world? Is that really the most pressing issue at hand right now? Is that what people elect Presidents for? To interfere with women’s wardrobes? Instead of focusing on improving the economy and fighting swine flu, why is the President focusing on such a trivial non-issue? France has much more important issues to worry about, like all those ridiculous haute couture clothes. Ban those! For the love of god, I’m losing my head trying to figure out what they’re about!

 Sarko was quick to label Obama as “inexperienced”. But has he learnt nothing from the recent history of his own country? Is he so naïve as to not take into account the fury, backlash and bad PR this will bring? Remember the 2005 riots by Algerian immigrants? (Yes, Muslims.) In these troubled times, when the Western World is in damage control mode with Muslims all over, why is Sarkozy hell-bent on undoing what Obama tried to do with his famous Cairo speech? Napoleon Complex? I thought France was all about freedom – the freedom to wear (or not wear) whatever you want. But by banning headscarves, Sarkozy is no better than the hardliners he’s trying to send a message to. 

 SINGH IS KING

You can’t claim to be brainstorming when there are no brains involved. I’m referring of course, to the BJP’s post-mortem meeting in Shimla. Right wing groups are opposed to change and innovation by definition. What brains do you need to maintain status quo and keep your country in the dark ages? For merely hinting a change in outlook, they ousted a comrade of 30 years. Jaswant Singh is not a traitor, he’s a martyr for the cause of freedom of speech, because despite 60 years of independence, India is still a country where morons will make you change the name of your movie from “Billoo Barber” to “Billoo” because according to them, calling a barber a barber is offensive! I would understand if the movie was called something like “Billoo – the gossip-mongering, minimum-wage, lip-cutter”, but something as harmless as “Barber”? Come on, grow up!

 Religious fanatics of all religions blindly enforce ridiculous rules on ordinary citizens without thinking of the practical feasibility of their so-called “divine laws” – be it the stoning of women, forbidding the use of contraceptives, or preventing lovers from dating on Valentine’s day. In fact, the only justification a hardliner can offer you for enforcing a rule is, “Because it’s there!” That’s the same excuse George Costanza (of Seinfeld, for the uninitiated) had to offer when his mother caught him…

MEANWHILE… 

*Teen Icon Miley Cyrus’s father, Billy Ray Cyrus, defended her pole-dancing act at a recent event by saying, “It was just for entertainment.” Well, Einstein, of course it’s for entertainment! What do you think all the rest of the strippers are doing up there, researching a cure for cancer!?

*Donald Trump says controversial Miss California Carrie Prejean’s naked photos are “Okay.” Well, thanks for overstating the obvious. Let’s see now, they’re pictures of a woman. She’s beautiful. And she’s naked. I’d say they’re more than okay.

*Gwen Stefani is worried about her son, Zuma, becoming a social misfit. Then why has she named her son after a frog that spits colored balls in a gutter? (Zuma is a popular computer game, google it.)